I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
