I wanna passion pit in your ass
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
