I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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