eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
