what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
