I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
