she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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