You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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