It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
