And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
