My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
