20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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