I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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