It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
