...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
