But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
