My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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