I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
