I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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