look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
