She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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