All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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