please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
