you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
