Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
