Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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