Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
