So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
