they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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