this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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