Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
