I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
