I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
ok first of all what the fuck
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
