i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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