We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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