your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
