i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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