that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
