I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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