Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
