Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
