If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
