It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
