I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
