Betty ford says i'm here all night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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