Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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