I CAN MOONWALK!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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