Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
