I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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