Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
