he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
