What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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