"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
