party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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