He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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