last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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