Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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