he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We need to rekindle our bromance
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
